Seems I have been absent for a long time. Though I've been away doesn't mean my problems have gone away or gotten any smaller. Unfortunately the hints that the husband has been seeing someone else seem to have turned into confirmed facts.
Not seeing her anymore mind you but that he was seeing someone is certain. The proof arrived in the mail a mere week ago. It reduced me to tears, his explanation was noncredible and all I feel now is resentment. I don't want to have love for that man anymore. Lying, cheating bastard.
It is beyond me how women can even trust men anymore. Most important of all I shouldn't have decided to get married against my better judgement. Serves me right.
Now I am headed for divorce.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Talks resumed
The discussion resumed over the weekend and I feel emotionally 'opressed' by the outcome of our talks. I don't even know where to start but let me say this, I am not a happy camper with the situation as is.
I was aware going into marriage that it wasn't going to be all sunshine and roses. We took a vow to love and stand by each other because that is what you do. You are there for each other during the good, the bad and the ugly times. Only I can't decide if right now we have bad or ugly times. I tend to think the latter, given the emotional roller coaster ride I have been on lately. It makes me doubt my love, makes me doubt the feelings I have for this man that is my husband. And really? I hate to feel that way. The question remains if I can mend my feelings or if this is indeed the beginning of the end.
That being said, here is the 411 on what went down.
- his argumentation was that men are attracted to females
- it is a game for him, the chase, the excitement, the affirmation of his masculinity
- he loves me and doesn't want to lose me but he wants the sensation or thrill of something new
- he would love for me to be involved
- me? I was just so shocked I hardly got in a word and we left it at that. We did however do something that I will post more about later on during the week. Something we both could agree on. Something that was equally appalling as it was exciting.
I was aware going into marriage that it wasn't going to be all sunshine and roses. We took a vow to love and stand by each other because that is what you do. You are there for each other during the good, the bad and the ugly times. Only I can't decide if right now we have bad or ugly times. I tend to think the latter, given the emotional roller coaster ride I have been on lately. It makes me doubt my love, makes me doubt the feelings I have for this man that is my husband. And really? I hate to feel that way. The question remains if I can mend my feelings or if this is indeed the beginning of the end.
That being said, here is the 411 on what went down.
- his argumentation was that men are attracted to females
- it is a game for him, the chase, the excitement, the affirmation of his masculinity
- he loves me and doesn't want to lose me but he wants the sensation or thrill of something new
- he would love for me to be involved
- me? I was just so shocked I hardly got in a word and we left it at that. We did however do something that I will post more about later on during the week. Something we both could agree on. Something that was equally appalling as it was exciting.
Friday, May 16, 2008
Threesome fears
Well isn't it funny. I come here and move into my lush pink apartment in 'Casa de Constance' and what do I do? I stop blogging. Nevertheless there are things on my mind that need to come out. Things I have been thinking about a lot lately.
See, we haven't been married for too long and things were going alright. We were busy building the life we had imagined for us. Sure, after a while you get into a daily routine but that is what I imagined married life to be like. Yeah well, this is not how that panned out.
Now the husband wants to spice up things in the bedroom. Too bad that what excites him doesn't excite me. The majority of men it seems would fancy a threesome and I am by no means prude but the other day I heard someone say that if you are in love, you have no desire to be with anyone else. So far this has been my belief as well. My other half however has no qualms about it. He's been pushing me into this direction and I am not sure if I like it. I think too many things would change.
The odd thing is, that as a fantasy the threesome is something that is on my mind a lot. And by that I mean A LOT! And we have been experimental before but I will be darned if this may not be the beginning of the end of our marriage.
I need advice. Lots of it and I need it now. Have you ever been in this position. Has it come up in your marriage and what did you do?
See, we haven't been married for too long and things were going alright. We were busy building the life we had imagined for us. Sure, after a while you get into a daily routine but that is what I imagined married life to be like. Yeah well, this is not how that panned out.
Now the husband wants to spice up things in the bedroom. Too bad that what excites him doesn't excite me. The majority of men it seems would fancy a threesome and I am by no means prude but the other day I heard someone say that if you are in love, you have no desire to be with anyone else. So far this has been my belief as well. My other half however has no qualms about it. He's been pushing me into this direction and I am not sure if I like it. I think too many things would change.
The odd thing is, that as a fantasy the threesome is something that is on my mind a lot. And by that I mean A LOT! And we have been experimental before but I will be darned if this may not be the beginning of the end of our marriage.
I need advice. Lots of it and I need it now. Have you ever been in this position. Has it come up in your marriage and what did you do?
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Welcome to my new humble abode
I am so glad I have found a place to rant and rave, in an apartment block nonetheless where woman like me find refuge.
Like most of the other Constances I have another blog. One that isn’t secret. That is open to the husband, friends, family and colleagues. One that has a reign over me. That almost chokes me because when I first started out writing that other blog, I swore it would be my place to vent. Only now I catch myself censoring everything and it is killing me. Slowy and steadily suffocating me. The feeling that I am lying to myself is worse than anything else I could write on that blog. Okay well that is not entirely true either but it is pretty close.
So come in, grab a chair and stay for a cup of tea or a pink martini or a mojito.
Like most of the other Constances I have another blog. One that isn’t secret. That is open to the husband, friends, family and colleagues. One that has a reign over me. That almost chokes me because when I first started out writing that other blog, I swore it would be my place to vent. Only now I catch myself censoring everything and it is killing me. Slowy and steadily suffocating me. The feeling that I am lying to myself is worse than anything else I could write on that blog. Okay well that is not entirely true either but it is pretty close.
So come in, grab a chair and stay for a cup of tea or a pink martini or a mojito.
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